I suppose it was inevitable... in seeking to find, and see, and name the gifts overflowing, I draw bent broke over, reaching, stretching hard to find a way to possibly deserve. To bring to light the position to give it all back, after all.
Is it a dysfunctional need for reversal that is based in the lies that He wouldn't give so much, wouldn't want us to receive so far and beyond our need?
Or is this what God has for a spirit in the depths of certain gratitude?
What more could we possibly be given before what we give feels so small we can't take anymore?
My plans are overshadowed by my commitment to His... so why make other plans than those to be in Him? Why not only stand still and only move when He wills?
He put me right here. Right where I sit, with everything I need to do what He wants me to do for Him. There is nothing to strive for. So what am I doing?
Should I seek to change our lifestyle, home and income base to what I think would make me better for Him? Less space, less luxury, a happier work situation for my husband, more available finances to give away freely... Or should I be still and see how everything is just as He desires, and all I really have any control over is the one thing I refuse to look at, the only thing I don't try to move or change...
If I stop trying to figure out where I should be and I just look at where I am, wouldn't I be amazed at how much I could be doing for Him, right here?
If I had less and felt stressed and edged my sacrifice further toward worthy would things be any different?
This isn't about my worldly condition or position. It's about my spiritual condition and position. He who finds his life will lose it and he who loses his life for God's sake will find it (Matt10:39).
Why is it so much harder to stop and trust than it is to push and make things happen?