Entering

Easter week is here again, and last year I promised God and myself that it would be different this time. I was going to do this right with Him, with my family. 

For the first 10 years that I've been aware of my Salvation in Jesus, I've struggled with a lack of focus on Him during Christmas and Easter holidays.

I've always pushed the blame for this on the etched habits of my secular upbringing, our obligations to family and cultural traditions... but this year I'm learning a hard humbling lesson:
I have been dead wrong.

Because nothing can stand in the way of me celebrating Jesus (Romans 8:38-39).

God doesn't require me to lock myself or my family away for days on end to be with Him. He doesn't need me to partake in a ceremonial cleansing to make myself fit for his presence. I don't have to travel to a temple, or even light a candle.

The facts are all here in my head. I just have to click on "transfer" and impart them onto my heart. I just have to pray that He will continue to make newness of this Life in Him, and then watch the New Life begin to grow.  (2 Corinthians 5:17) 

These Christ centered holidays should be the easiest times to be in the presence of God. They set the perimeters around a specific Sacred event for which we can focus on, together... and all we have to do is enter.  

And when I do, my own walk becomes enriched as I meditate on the life of Jesus and His journey to the cross, for me.

The Truth:

I've fallen short. (Romans 3:23) 

The Father knows it. (Ezekiel 11:5) 

Sin has it's consequences. (Romans 6:23) 

God sends His only Son, my friend, Jesus. (John 15:13-14) 

And what's worse than giving your own self to die but to ask your only son to die right before your eyes?

And Jesus showed, and stopped the trial right from under me. (John 18:28-40) 

He stuck out His Hand to take on the mess that kept me from Our Father...
He asked to wear my sins and stand trial in my place. 

And what would be worse than to hear your own son plead for you to let the cup pass, knowing full well your very will for him to drink of it?

(Matthew 26:42) 

But Jesus traded with me...
the cost of my flesh for the chance that I'd leave it behind to follow Him. 

(1 Peter 2:24) 

And He fully paid my penalty, The Lamb of complete atonement,
that I could stand before Him, spotless. 

(John 1:29) 

It was a brutal trial.

There was spitting for my calloused heart.
But the spit ran down His face. 

(Matthew 26:67) 

There was beating for my stubborn refusal.
But the blows pummeled my Redeemer.

(Luke 22:63)

There was mockery and humiliation for my pride.
But they stripped, jeered at, and taunted my own Brother in my place. 

(Matthew 27:29) 

There was an abandoning from The Father.

And what would be worse than asking your son to wear the ugly, suffer the brutality, die young, and to have you turn your back on Him in his final moment of earth life?
But it was done, and it was His Son who He turned His Face from. (Matthew 27:46)

There was spearing for my impurity.
But it was He who took the blade.(John 19:34)

There is the gift of freedom for me, at 33 years old,
but He was dead for 3 days, at 33 years, to make that way for me. (Ephesians 2:8-9)

And I don't need to wear a fancy dress, or wash behind my kid's ears. I don't have to find a rock and throw myself across it for the night. I don't have to steal away to count, recite, or stand-sit-kneel. I don't have to moo, or hop on one foot, or offer a ram for slaughter.

The Truth is, I can look for Him right here in the kitchen, in my pajamas, with my bed-head and my broken Nikon. I can trace the nails with my trembling gratitude wrapped in shame for my partaking. I can receive the forgiveness and lose myself in His Mercy, nose down in my own stinky living room carpeting. 

I can return to my feet, grab this camera, and ask that He will bless me to find Him in this very place. (Matthew 7:7-8) 

The veil is torn. (Matthew 27:51)

The simple Truth:
No matter the eggs, or bunnies... the holy oils or monasteries,
Our God is right here. Always.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?

Or where can I flee from Your presence? 

If I ascend to heaven, You are there;

If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.

If I take the wings of the dawn,

If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, 

Even there Your hand will lead me,

And Your right hand will lay hold of me.

~Psalm 139:7-10

God Speaks

Last week was a little rough. 

My tiny guy was sick with strep throat and a fever. He stayed in my bed for three days straight...

Then, he got well and drove me crazy! 

I stressed out a little over some dental work I had done. I did not like the appearance of two front crowns I had done. Though I absolutely loved the temporaries I wore for 10 days, the permanent ones did not look like me. 

I have an appointment scheduled today to hear my options. 

I also took a personality test that my husband and I bought last weekend at a marriage seminar, and I did not like my results. 

We learned that this test has the potential of unlocking some important information about us that would not only help us deal with other people better, but also help us see and aim for the potential we truly have in God's plan for our lives. 

There are four countries you can be from; Control, Fun, Perfect, or Peace. I was excited to take the test. I just knew I would be from control country. I couldn't wait for the validation. 

Instead, I got stamped as a native of "Perfect" country! And it nearly took me the whole week to feel okay about it... to see how this really is true, though often confused for controlling... and finally to laugh at myself a little as I recognize the crazy perfectionism type things that go through my mind in a day. 

I was desperate to receive His whispers and promises by the end of the week.  As always, God soothes my stress and turns my disappointment into gratitude:

I bought these tangelos, but  no body wanted them.

I couldn't figure out what to do with them,

but they were beautiful in the bowl.

So I waited and let them sit.

Passing time spurred an urgency to use them before it was too late...

As I was feeling useless and unwanted for anything worthy in the Kingdom,
I became more restless about finding purpose and direction for my life.

It took some time, but by the end of the week I had finally 
relinquished myself, my character, my "Perfectionism" 
back into the arms of my King.

Ready and willing to sit and wait. 

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While these tangelos yielded us two mornings of

delicious, fresh squeezed juice that everyone wanted...

I know that God is great enough to see His plans for my life unfold 

into something of good use for His people. 

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As I plead to God for a way out of myself,

this "gem" of perfectionism now sticking out at me like a sore thumb,

I turn the corner, reach for my coupon file and 

look down at this sweet sunlit message:

Laugh, girl!

All in this week amounts to great joy when the songs 

of my troubles sound a symphony of His

perfect plan for this life.

And tear streaked, I laugh grateful praises.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. 

Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. 

Plans to give you hope and a future."

~Jeremiah 29:11

Amen

God Speaks

Through the planter turned cookie jar instead...

I have seen that He can fulfill the secret desires of my heart 

where there are otherwise no keys to unlock them.

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Through a seemingly too-good-to-be-true friendship 

through which I have been rescued time and time again...

He reminds me that there is always one perfect place for my heart.

That even when it seems impossible, He is here, 

rescuing me over and over again.

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That God will pour in when I'm least expecting to see His path for me. 

That He will flood my life with His Light and Truth in areas 
rarely touched by anything much less His powerfully rushing waters.

That He would make a spectacle for me of His wonders and His great big vast capacity 
to make way for His Streams of Life in me. 

I stand at the edge of myself, in awe of Him again.   

God Speaks

Through the staking of a long loved plant (meet Tina)... 

I'm encouraged knowing that just as Tina will stand straighter 
and point higher as a result of her recent temporary support, 
this practice of leaning in to hear where God Speaks through the everyday 
using photographs, jottings, and sharing here
will lead me straight into forming such a practice by habit. 
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Through a plate of apple peels and core 
waiting to be brought to our guinea pig...

I'm reminded of the way God gently peels each layer of me,
taking time to let every Truth penetrate deeper to the core.  


"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,
who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)


Nothing is wasted.
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When I round the corner in my craft room my attention is drawn 
to the cross in the center of my inspiration wall. 
One ray of light beams direction straight to it's base. 

I smile, joyed that He is the center of my life,
that He dwells in the walls of our home
and is Home in the walls of our hearts.


He shines amidst it all, from family to fashion, 
beaconing for us to leave it all here 
at the foot of the cross. 
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God Speaks

As my heart is opening up to the possibility that every act in life can be sacred,
He is leading the way deeper into the endlessness of His Grace and Blessings.

As I add this potential to my counting of all the simple beauty in the life around me
I discover that each finding is filled with His Kisses, Love Letters, and Lessons.

I become the child before the endless packages,
eager to unwrap and receive each gift unveiled.

In longing to form this into habit I make note:

A seed planted and spilled twice from loose soil, it seemed an impossible sprouting...

In this God displayed His power over the reality of this world. 
He shows the promise of planting a seed and completely walking away... 
trusting in Him to create the New Life.   

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The heavy snow brought the tops of a row of evergreens low to the ground.

 And I said YES to driving up the road in the cold morning 
to capture the beautiful sight in sunlight.

I could almost hear the crying out to God,

 "All the earth bows down to You"

Psalm 66:4a

And later again, I receive the lesson through a photograph 
just before I nearly crop the unwanted road sign... 

This is the way. Just like this.

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I receive footnotes through the orchids in my kitchen 
of lessons just learned the hard way.

The small petal-less one I purchased cheap and spitefully 

for my husband to "give" to me when I was angry with him 

for not letting me have my way.

It's dwarfing is clear, next to the beautiful, towering, blooming orchid that he
actually did purchased for me full-price when he later forgave me for being a brat.

God gently reminds me to trust my husband to Him.
That just as I am, he too is bought and paid for at full-price. 

That staying out the way of God's work is best for all of us.
That the fruit of my efforts pale in comparison to His.

And even though I am beautifully flawed, sometimes petal-less myself,

I am forgiven and well accepted at the foot of His mercy.

Join me on Monday, in etching the habit of seeking Him in the everyday life around us.

Can All This Life Be Sacred?

I've been recently guilty of unsuccessfully trying to pull my husband into a pigeon hole with me. I egged him to pray for a plan: how together we could meet with God the way I had been doing; planning, scheduling, carving out intentional time to spend in the Presence. 

It sounds funny, now... trying to plan God.

But I was wrapped in an old lie that was dry rotting and damming the free flow of God's Kingdom on earth in my life.

I believed that being born into skin/sin temporarily kept me from God in certain ways. 

I felt that any pleasing thing I could offer him on earth was only garbage compared to what I could do in sprit, alone. 

I thought that it was necessary for me have a ritual of setting aside my flesh -like an offering- in order to approach God.

Of course, I knew in my head from scripture that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, that my body is a member of Christ Himself, that I am united with the Lord therefore one with Him in Spirit... that I was bought and paid for in full (1Corinthians 6:15-20)

But mind-knowledge is trumped again by heart-filled, as God introduces the bodied life saturated in Truth.

I've been devouring the book, The Pursuit of God, by Aiden Tozer. 

In the same day a friend of mine walked me to the awakening of my subconscious separation between regular daily life and my set aside time for God, I read these words of Aiden's: 

"Let us think of a Christian believer in whose life the twin wonders of repentance and new birth have been wrought...

Of such a one it may be said that every act of his life is or can be as truly sacred as prayer, or baptism, or the Lord's Supper. 

To say this... is to bring every act up into a living kingdom and turn the whole life into a sacrament." 

In that moment I willingly considered such a thing for the first time ever. No longer just working toward making choices that would be pleasing to the Lord through my life, but considering every act of my life to be sacred. 

In place of my disciplined scheduled times of offerings bowed low?

Was I worthy?

Could faith in "my body is a temple" carry me so far as this? 

In the same breath through the same book I read on, and God continued to teach. 

This time He brilliantly drew me to compare myself with the colt that Jesus rode into Jerusalem. Establishing in my heart that I am more valuable to Him than any animal (Matt 6:26), He then shows me that this creature was appointed, accepted, and accounted useful as Jesus' means for arrival. 

Then Tozer references the end of the relevant scripture; Luke 19:31, after which Jesus has sent two of his disciples to the village to bring the colt for Him, 

He tells the disciples, "If anyone asks you, ‘Why are you untying it?’ say, ‘The Lord needs it.’”

I stopped dead in my tracks.

The Lord needs it???

I was undone,

and with another long time lie staring me in the face strangling, "God doesn't need you!"

But... He needs the colt?

I had to look in the Bible myself, it was so hard to believe it from where I was standing. 

And sure enough, 

"the Lord hath need of him" 

Did I read that right? I scan back up to take the whole passage in perspective. 
It is said by Jesus Himself,

"THE LORD HATH NEED OF HIM."

And my whole world turned a little on it's axis.

This Truth was all warmed and ready in a bowl with a spoon for me when Tozer went on assuring,

"We need no more be ashamed of our body -the fleshly servant that carries us through life- than Jesus was of the humble beast upon which He rode into Jerusalem...

If Christ dwells in us we may bear about the Lord of glory as the little beast did of old and give occasion to the multitudes to cry, 'Hosanna in the highest'."

Delicious relief! 

Thank You, God.

Click here for a free internet provided PDF of Tozer's: The Pursuit of God

Also a free upload  on ibooks for ipad and ipod users.

Just More You

You assured me You made up the walls and beams of the last home we called our own.

And all I saw were generic coverings and low end finishes and clearly not enough room for my big dreams of children and animals and belongings...

I wanted more.

You said I’d have a baby boy and we would wrap him up our own and bring him home.

And I saw “first child”, and then aimed for the American standard, heard sounds and saw silhouettes and dreamed of more to come...

I wanted four.

You moved us here. You picked us up from what we had and placed us in a place we couldn’t get, and You have seen us through. You gave this to us.

And it’s a dream. Not one I had. It's the kind I never dared to have.

And now I know. I don’t need the space. Don’t need the things. Don’t need the more. The multiple children. The gourmet kitchen.

I just need You. The man and boy You gave me. The pug the trees the fires.

And was that the point?

I can think of a hundred good reasons You might have us here. But as for our needs?

How can I serve You best right here, right now?

If You want us to move, You will move us. I know.

Just move us.

But until then, what can I do? How can I serve You? How can this not be about my hurt and empty and lonely sad? How can it not be about where he's heading, and how safe I stay, and what we deserve?

How can this be about You. And what You want of me?

I don’t want to watch it tonight. The shows. I don’t want to move. Don’t want to waste. Away.

Feel like I might be wasting me with You.

I hear You whispering something on the breeze, something beckoning, I can’t make of what.

I heard You call me to this place of burning wood. Where things are cold but have a promise sealed to heat right up.

And I don’t know if it is here or someplace else we'll see those days,

but all this more just makes me want less. Less this. Less me. More You. Just more You.